Rave #31: The Royal Wedding

Today was a great day.

Today was a great day, you see, because it was touched by holy matrimony.

Today was a great day, because my second-favorite couple in the entire world, William and Catherine, got married. (My first-favorite couple would be my own parents. What can I say?) Unfortunately, I was not invited to the wedding, nor do I live close enough to be among the million-strong who stood outside Buckingham Palace. In fact, there is a pesky 5-hour time difference between me & the royal festivities. No matter; I woke up at 4. And I watched every single moment of the wedding, beginning to kiss recap. And it was fantastic.

I could gush about the dress -- absolutely stunning, of course -- or about how dashing Harry is -- very -- or the endless array of gorgeous hats. These were all glorious moments, of course, but that's not why I watched it. Harry was part of it, of course, and especially this moment, which I extend to you in giddy delight:


And the hats were divine too.

But still, this moment was monumental in other ways. Friends have been accosting me all day, demanding to know why I'm wearing a floppy hat and walking with a spring in my step, and, when I explain that I'm delirious with delight over the royal wedding, look at me with disdain. Some of the more cynical launch on rants about absurd monarchy and tax-payers' money and what it means to be in the 21st century. They don't get it.

The royal family is a symbol. They represent British history, and represent British culture. They are our (pretend I'm British here -- I've been doing so all day) poised, polished, beautiful selves. They represent Britain in a way no Prime Minister could, because they are removed from politics. They represent the people and not the government.

In this age of Jersey Shore and Spencer Pratt we need real romanticism more than ever. Today, we got just that. Today, we put aside our cynicism. We held back our clever remarks, and we watched two people who love each other get married. I wasn't the only one. Over a million people stood outside Buckingham palace to watch the newlyweds kiss. BBC estimated that over 2 billion people were watching this moment on TV.

Think about that. 2 billion people. There are currently around 6.9 billion people on Earth. 40% of the world doesn't have access to toilets, so let's just say that at most 40% of the world's population has access to a TV. (I made up that number, but it feels plausible.) 40% of the world is 2.76 billion. Therefore, approximately 72.5% of all people with the ability to watch the kiss did so.

That, to me, is the most extraordinary thing. For one moment, 2 billion people came together to watch a kiss. One million people staked out spots for days to wait outside to see one half-second kiss. (And it was two! The royal couple kissed twice! They listen to their people!) How rarely do one million -- that's 1,000,000, guys -- people literally stand together to celebrate love? How often do 2 billion people -- that's 2,000,000,000! -- turn on their televisions at exactly the same time so that they can all watch a fairy tale?

That's why I woke up at an ungodly hour. I'm ecstatic for the couple, of course, but I'm also happy for the rest of us: we proved we care. We're not always apathetic lumps of disdain. We like princesses. (Oh all right, so she's now officially the Duchess of Cambridge.) We like romance, and we like happy couples in love. We're good, we humans are. We're good.