Interlude: Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, all!

I hope your Christmas was as lovely as mine, and filled with excellent pie, many games of Quiddler (guess who came in third? that's right, dear old "rhymes-with-fatty"), and the annual familial kvetching about Lieberman -- all of which, of course, no Christmas would be without. And thanks for the socks, my dear relatives. I hit a new record this year with a grand total of 26 pairs.

Other news? Not to brag, but I got both a PedEgg and Push-Up Pro. That, coupled with my birthday Bump-It, is pretty much proof that my family reads my blog. (Shout out to DICK KLEM!) Here's a picture of my PedEgg (in my hand, duh -- the things lying next to it are my Push-Up Pros, but there's a better picture of them coming):

And my Push-Up Pro (I still, by the way, have no idea what the purpose of the Push-Up Pro is; however, some of the younger members of my family have found that you can jam one foot in one of them, and then push off on the carpet and spin really quickly [in the spirit of blogging/science/inquiry/what have you, I thought I'd give it a whirl as well -- much better than doing push-ups, let me tell you]):

While that's not the most flattering picture of my forearms, I think you get the gist.

In conclusion, dear reader, I hope your day was lovely. Now get some rest, finish up that pie, and get a head-start on those thank-you notes.

Rant #21: Holiday Letters

Before I begin, I'd like to apologize for my disappearance over the past few days; I've been quite busy with a number of things. Some highlights of the past five days or so:

• My birthday was lovely, thanks for asking. My father got me a Bump-it. It's marvelous. A blog will come soon.
• I matched my personal record from last year -- that's right, I went to Starbucks four times in one day. A total of over 7 hours.
• I read the most fascinating article about the Snuggie vs. Slanket vs. the Freedom Blanket vs. a $350 option made out of alpaca wool. Really, you guys, go check it out. It's heartbreaking, but **SPOILER ALERT** the Snuggie falls flat.

Yup, that's pretty much what I do when I'm not a'bloggin'.

In the past few days, I've been inundated with holiday cards. You would think that I would love holiday cards, because I do love mail. Most of the time, that's true. I love handwritten letters with little sketches of doves. I love witty little cards with political cartoons on them. I even love cards with pictures of the grinning family bundled up on top of a mountain, clutching their ski goggles, with a "peace on earth in 2010" message plastered in shiny blue writing on the top. I'm really not a grinch.

What I can't stand are the letters. These aren't warm, hand-written letters I'm talking about. These are the stapled, two-or-three page, single-spaced litanies about how this family is doing. They always start, "dear friends", and continue with "2009 was a busy/fun-filled/eventful year for the ____s!". Then they go on to the parents: "Greg had such a busy year! With work, the kids, and the occasional trip to the gym", (and here you know they think they're being all clever and warm and such), "he barely had time for his pottery classes, ski trips, bungee-jumping lessons, volunteering at the soup kitchen, helping out at the temple, training our new dog, playing the guitar, violin, ukulele, and didgeridoo!" It then goes on to detail exactly what Greg is working on on the didgeridoo.

And then we move on to the wife. And then the kids (if they're teenagers, their SAT scores are shared). Sometimes, if we're really lucky, we get an update on the dog and the four parakeets, too ("If you can believe it, our beloved parakeet, Lisabette, turned out to be a BOY!!! We were astonished when we took her (him, I guess I should say!!!!) to the vet for a swine flu immunization, and he said 'let's see how he's doing today!' We've changed his name to Carlos, after our little Margie's favorite Mexican writer!!!!!")

Look. It's not like I don't care about people's parakeets. It's just that I don't care about yours. If we were friends, I would know about your didgeridoo classes. If I didn't already know, quite frankly I'm not interested. Holiday cards are not a chance for your 'friends' to catch up with you and all your 'exciting' news. They are simply a chance for you to express well-wishes and season's greetings to your friends. If you really wanted me to know about your didgeridoo classes you could pick up the phone and call me.

I know there are some people out there who disagree with me. My own mother loves holiday letters. (I think it's because she likes to know what's going on in people's lives, though she refuses to use her FaceBook account). Take it up in the comments.

Rave #18: Childhood Toys

I find it quite sad that Oprah's retiring. It's really the end of the era. Because, you see, Oprah was the first true reality tv star; she was the first to talk about "normal people", and JoShmo and whatnot. She also made lists ubiquitous. Lists of books, lists of foods, lists of favorite things: Oprah did it all.

Now that Oprah's retiring, she's going to need a viable replacement. I hear David Letterman and Ellen DeGeneres are up for her replacement; thus, I am too. A lot of people seem to be rooting for Ellen. I guess then I could be the next Ellen. I suppose that would work for me too.

While clearly I've digressed, that was all meant to be an elaborate prelude for introducing my list.

Emma's Top-5 List of Favorite Childhood Toys, in No Particular Order:

1. Play-Doh. Play-Doh is the best. My specialty is a bear. Especially neon green bears. Those are my absolute favorites.
   
2. Silly Putty. I actually keep some silly putty in my purse at all times, just in case. (You know... just in case... just in case a silly-putty necessitating emergency occurs. Like I need to fill up a dam or something. With silly putty. Look, it's good to be prepared, okay you guys?! I was a Girl Scout). 
   
3. Chalk. My brother and I spent hours carefully divvying up our driveway with chalk, and making elaborate two-dimensional houses. I would draw in flower-vases and chimneys. My brother would pour water over them. Fond memories.
   
4. Biloonies. I don't know if all of you remember these, but I saw them recently in CVS and had to get them. They're these little tubes of highly flammable... stuff, that you dab onto a little straw and blow bubbles out of. Then you have these little plasticy bubbles you can bob around and play with. The only drawback is that you can't use more than half a tube or so without getting a splitting headache.
5. Hula-hoops. I'm the bomb at hula-hooping. I challenge any of you.

What are your favorite childhood toys? Go to the comments. 

Twee Update #9: Present

And today's twee headdress is...

Puns have been made all day, my favorite of which is "I'm honored to be in your presents". I love compliments that double as puns. They're really just the best of both worlds.

It's made out of a coffee grinder box, wrapped up and attached to a black headband with a smidgen of tape and a couple pipe-cleaner.

Shout-outs go to my muse and inspiration, Mr. S, as well as people who gave me materials. You guys are awesome.

Rave #17: Hannukah

Happy Hannukah, my dear readers!

That's right; tonight is the first night of Hannukah. (For those of you who may be confused, what with my Santa hats and all, I am, in fact, Jewish, and celebrate Hannukah, though I also celebrate Christmas with my mother's side of the family. Though I suppose I should say, to quote a lovely book on Jewish humor I received in 7th grade, "Jews don't celebrate; they observe. The Smiths celebrated Christmas. The Goldsteins observed Hannukah.")

Brief plot summary for those of you who don't know: Hannukah is the Jewish holiday celebrating the defeat of the Syrian king and the subsequent miracle (the candle in the holy temple burned for 8 days, though there was only enough oil for a day or two). That's right. Didn't even go to Google for that one. Right out of my own head. 

Contrary to popular belief, Hannukah's really not an important holiday. Most Jews don't even go to synagogue to celebrate it. Mainly, people observe Hannukah by lighting the menorah with friends and family and then ingesting carbs with friends and family.

I love Hannukah. In fact, I love it so much I'm going to make one of my infamous top-5 lists.

Emma's Top 5 Reasons of Why She Loves Hannukah in No Particular Order:

1. Dreidel. I'm the bomb at dreidel. I spin that dreidel like nobody's business. I also accompany my spinning with great gestalt and sound effects and groans and shouts of encouragement. I've been known to leap to my feet and scream "GIMEL, baby, gimme a GIMMEL!". I get pretty into it.
   
2. Gentiles. I love gentiles all year, but at Hannukah it's the best. They're always all, "May I observe your religious traditions, and have the wonderful opportunity to share your beautiful ceremony?" and I'm always all "sure, let's partake in the oldest gambling game!". Then I take advantage of their total lack of dreidel skills, and steal their gelt (chocolate coins). It's great.
3. When I was younger, my siblings and I would always come home from Sunday school with these elaborate paper-mache dreidels and Play-Doh menorahs, and my mom always whips them out during Hannukah and pretends that Sunday school was an adequate substitute for family bonding making Family Fun projects. It's a nice childhood memory there.
4. All the alternative spellings. Hannukah? Hanukah? Channukah? Chanukah? Channuka? Nobody knows. Thus, you can't get it wrong. Throw a C on that baby or omit it; pop an H at the end or not; go crazy with two N's, or stick with one. There's just no wrong answer. I find that so amusing.
5. As loathe as I sometimes am to admit it, my family's mildly amusing, and it's fun to spend time with them.

Any Jews out there? What are your favorite things about H/Ch-a-n/nn-u-k/kk-a/ah? Christmas-celebrators, wait for your turn. We'll have a Christmas blog post, don't you worry.

Twee Updates #7 & #8: Dreidel Hat

Sorry guys, I didn't have time to post yesterday. But it was awesome. Here's a review: 

I made it myself, if you can believe it. A paper bowl, a couple dreidels, a lil bit of tinsel, a few pipe cleaners, and a ridiculous amount of tape were all I used. And a bow. A bow at the top of the spiraly thing.

Today's twee headdress was a little more low-key; here's the picture:

Not my finest, but, you know, simple. Classy.

On a different note, I'm sorry I've been slowing on the blogging; it's been a pretty busy, hectic time for me recently, and between several trips to Starbucks a day and making dreidel hats I'm a busy woman. While I can't promise daily posts for the next week or two, after that we should be back to normal.

Rant #20: Certain Fashion Crimes

I'm not a fashion snob. I think we spoke about this before. I'm not all, "oooh, white pants after labor day, tsk tsk", or even "mm, shoes and bag clash, tsk tsk". I'm definitely not all "ack, _____ is so last year". That said, there are still some fashion crimes that annoy even me.

Let's make a list.

Emma's Top 5 Fashion Crimes, in No Particular Order, by Emma:

1. Leggings. (Shout out to KATERINA. I believe we had a deal...) Unflattering, goofy, and, above all, not pants. It doesn't matter if they're dark or white or acid-wash; they're still not okay. Your argument "at least they're not white!" falls on deaf ears, darling. Take them off. Take them off, take them off, take them off. Throw a pair of sweatpants on; if you're feeling up to it, be daring and go for the jeans. For God's sake, even a floor-length corduroy skirt is better than leggings.

2. Jumpsuits. (Shout out to BLAKE LIVELY!) You'd think this one would be self-explanatory, but evidently not. If Blake Lively can't work it, neither can you.

2a. Rompers, the jumpsuit's plumper, shorter, more risque cousin. Again. Blake Lively doesn't look good in it. Neither do you. I don't care who you are. Take it off. 

3. 80's throwbacks in general. This includes:

• Acid-wash. K-Fed does acid-wash. That should be enough to dissuade you from ever attempting it.
• Leggings. Let's just reinforce one more time that leggings are NOT OKAY. 
• Neon. Unless you're under the age of 8, you should not be wearing colors with the words "key-lime" "fuschia" "teal" or "florescent" in it. (Shout out to CLARE!). This includes nail polish. No highlighter yellow nail polish, please. We're not watching a boring movie on tapeworms in science class while fantasizing about Zack asking us out bowling; thus, we don't wear highlighter yellow nail polish.

4. Uggs with miniskirts. There are far too many tweens running amok in Ugg boots and miniskirts, or shorts, or, worse of all, dresses. It's unflattering; it makes their legs look stubby. It's also totally ridiculous. If it's cold enough for Ugg boots, it's too cold for a mini skirt. To steal a good friend's phrase, perioddotend. (You say it really fast so it's kinda slurred together, like "elemenno" when you're singing the ABC's).

5. Anything with a dollar sign on it.

Twee Update #6: Lego

Sorry it took until now to get up, but today's twee headgear is...

Another original. Made with a headband, a little tinsel, a couple pipe-cleaners, and a few PlayLand lego things.

Twee Update #5: We Are Santa's Elves

And today's twee hat is...

The elf hat.

Now, you think it's good now. But you, my dear readers, haven't seen it in action. For my elf hat not only looks stylish and oh-so-fetching, it lights up, sings "We Are Santa's Elves!" in upbeat, tinny elf voices, and twitches around on its own accord .

So pretty much, it's amazing.

My father actually procured this one for me -- I believe he got it at CVS.

Rave #16: As Seen on TV Products

Some (by which I mean, all) of the best products out there are Seen on TV. In my aforementioned interest of keeping my blog posts shorter, I'm going to make a list.

Emma's Top 5 Favorite As Seen on TV Products, by Emma

1. Bumpits. You stick 'em in, and it poofs up your hair instantly, a la Sarah Palin. I wanted to throw a video in here, but I don't think I can; you'll have to make do with this picture instead:

  My personal favorite part of this picture is her expression. It's as if this girl is saying, "Come hither, and touch my remarkably stiff yet playful hair, reminiscent of a mullet, and yet not, for I am a serious business woman with seriously coiffed hair, and yet not, for I have a hidden side with flowing hair and heavily made-up eyes that only you, my dear television viewer, are privy to." Yup, that's exactly what she's saying.

2. The Snuggie. C'mon, guys, it's now a classic. I want one. (Shout out to CHARLOTTE GROVE [c'mon, Charlotte, I'm all ready to monogram 'em once you get them. I have the daisies and the lettering and everything] and YMANI MONET, who actually owns one and is thus my idol in every way).

3. Spray on hair. That's right. It's called Good Looking Hair; GLH, by those in the know. Forget expensive weaves, or hair plugs; simply spray paint a lil' color right on there! Comes in silver, black, and white. And don't worry, guys, it's rain-proof, though not water-proof.

4. The PedEgg. I'm not posting a picture, because, um, ew? I will tell you, however, it will give your feet the "the incredible baby soft look and feel that everybody loves". It's also "ergonomically designed to fit perfectly into the palm of your hand". The commercial involves lots of seductively scraping dead skin cells off of feet and one slightly repulsive scene where aforementioned dead skin cells are deposited tenderly in the trash can.

5. Push-up helpers. Now, I'm not an exercise snob, as you know, but I fail to see the point of these:

You hold them while doing push-ups. And while, according to the commercial, grunting loudly and somewhat sexually.

What are your favorite As Seen on TV products? To the comments you go...

Rant #19: Inane Mass Emails

Sometimes, a regular blog post just can't sum up how strongly I feel about something. (It's rare, of course, but it does happen). And sometimes, I am forced to resort to the classic expression of rage and loathing: the limerick.

Stop It, You Guys, An Original Poem by Emma:

There once was a girl named E-Grace,

Who lived in a mighty fine place.

Her life in full swing,

Except one little thing,

A little thing Emma found in distaste.

For Emma got many emails,

That she found quite as painful as nails.

They were frequent and dull - 

Made her want to tear out her skull

Though her patience was that of a whale's.

"Help us save our concert hall please!"

These entreaties smelled worse than blue cheese .

Kittens and lace

"I lost my neck brace!"

It made poor E-Grace scream "oh GEEZE".

For the emails just never did stop,

"you're a beautiful woman" and other such schlop.

E-Grace got it, you know,

She knew she made people go "whoa!" 

But through email? Now that is just cropp. (**author's note: Use a British accent for this line**)

So E-Grace entreats you to stop it, you guys,

And dreams of your sudden demise.

She doesn't care 'bout your trip,

Or your kid, (smart as a whip!)

And hopes we soon will cut ties.

The End.

Rant #18: Foods I Find Weird

There are some foods out there that I just fine plain weird, for a variety of reasons. I'll make you a list.

Top Five Foods Emma Finds Weird in No Particular Order, by Emma:

1. Jello, because of the texture. It's all jiggly and wiggly and yet defined. It's so weird-looking
2. Celery. It's the sound. Celery makes this funny crunching sound as you eat it. It's like it's saying "crunch crunch, whisper whisper, listen to me! I'm a diet food! You burn more calories eating me than I give you! Crunch crunch!" I do like the taste, though.
3. Orange juice without pulp. Orange juice is supposed to have pulp. Pulpless orange juice is just weird.
4. Tofu. What is it, anyway? Soybean mush? It's the concept of tofu I find weird, more than anything else. Soybeans should not be pretending to be meat. They're not fooling anyone.
5. RAISINS. See rant re: raisins.

What foods do you find weird? You can take it up in the comments now, even if you don't have a blogspot account. Because I know you have an opinion.

Bee tee dubs, this is the shortest blog post I've ever done. Some people have been kvetching about how lengthy some of my posts are. I'm working on keeping it pithy.

Twee Update #4: Christmas Tree

We have officially veered into homemade.

It's attached with a hard black headband; you can't really see that in the picture. Also, please note the star at the top; I made it myself with two cheap bracelets and a little floss.

I'd like to thank Kat for the headband and the base, Martha for the tree (that I gave her), Kelsey for the ornaments and the hooks, Cady for the tape (pronounced "Katie"), and Ajayi for the floss. 

The ingenuity was all mine. 

Twee Update #3: Tinsel

And today's twee headdress is....

Now, I realize that the face blurring is getting progressively creepier. But you know what else is creepy? Beer-bellied 50-year-old Internet lurkers preying on unsuspecting (or in my case, probably suspecting) women. So we'll be continuing with the creepy face blurring.

I also realize that today's headband is rather tame compared to Tuesday and yesterday's. Sometimes I just need a break. Also, I'm quickly running out of purchased headdresses, so in a few days I'm going to have to move on to hand-crafted headbands and such. (I'll check Family Fun, of course.) 

Sneak preview for tomorrow: I'm thinkin' Hannukah.

Interlude: House-Keeping Stuff

Great news, you guys!

With a smidgen of fiddling, angst, screaming at the computer, and screeching with exasperation, I have managed to change the settings on this blog so that anyone can comment. You read that correctly: anyone, with or without a blogspot account, can now comment on a post. (Hopefully. If I really got it to work correctly. The Ludite upbringing is manifesting itself again.) 

So please, feel free to do so. It makes me feel really loved when people comment. And I love people who comment. (Shout outs to MARTHA and "TOFER", my two favorite comment-ers. [not really commentators, I don't think, but comment-ers. Is there a word for that?]).

Rant #17: Celebrity

I am a discerning woman; I am a woman of taste. (I'm pausing here for you to come up with a scathing witticism at my expense. If you don't, it's a missed opportunity. Kat, that's not funny.) And I think my taste in celebrity antics reflects that.

By celebrity, I don't mean "famous people". I mean people who are famous without merit. I mean heiresses and socialites and reality tv 'stars'. As a general rule of thumb, if someone's genuinely talented, I'm not interested in him for his celebrity value. I don't much care about Aretha Franklin's private life, or even about where India.Arie gets her socks. Pretty much, if I listen to your music or watch your movies or read your novels in an un-ironic way, I'm not interested in your social life.

But I love celebrity too. I love the concept that these people are placed on earth solely for my enjoyment and mockery. I admit that I truly care about Lindsay Lohan. (In fact, I have written a letter to Dina. Didn't send it -- I couldn't find her address -- but it was long. A good three pages. And quite diplomatically phrased, if I do say so myself.) I like my celebrities over the top and deliciously tacky. Simply 'weird'? 'Odd'? I'm so not interested.

Above all, I need my celebrities to have an edge of self-deprecation. Nobody likes a celebrity who takes herself seriously and honestly thinks people like her for her personality. With this in mind, I give you a list of my Top Five Least Favorite Celebrities, in No Particular Order:

1. Jessica Simpson. She takes herself seriously. In interviews, she comes across as so smug and self-righteous. She thinks she's talented. Someone has to slap her. Ashlee's not as bad (and so cute with the red hair! what happened to that, anyway?), but I'm still not so interested in her.
2. Speidi. I actually find them so disgusting I can't even value their tackiness and their desperation for any sort of fame. Their book was titled "How to Be Famous", but I didn't buy it, I'm so over them. 
3. Jon from Jon and Kate Plus 8. He's such a tool. Plus he's not even witty or intelligent, so I'm actually bored by him. It takes a rare man's personality to make 8 kids, Kate's haircut, and a 21-year-old girlfriend some people think is an ex-you-know-what boring, but Jon Gosselin does it.
4. Angelina Jolie. She's so gorgeous, and has such an interesting life, and I'm bored by her. I see her and go "meh". ( :)  Hi Daddy!). I just want her to give more interesting interviews. Secretive will only get you so far, honey. Make it juicy or go away.
5. Megan Fox. She's always so self-righteous and bashes women in all her interviews (ie, "Women are jealous", etc). She's not so attractive that she can be a brat to everyone. It's not that she doesn't have female friends because they're jealous; she doesn't have female friends because she's so obnoxious.

And now, Emma's Top 5 Favorite Celebrities in No Particular Order:

1. Paris Hilton. I actually think she's intelligent. She gets it. Her, Paris Hilton's My New BFF Season 3 Set in Dubai, is incredible. (Watch it online. You won't regret it. Trust me.) She waves to the camera, is charming and slightly ditzy and surprisingly witty in interviews, and fights with Lindsay Lohan, all while wearing what I suspect to be a Bump-it. What's not to love?
2. Lindsay Lohan. I have this incredibly intense one-sided relationship with Lindsay. It's hard to explain. See me in person for this one.
3. Lady Gaga. Just so over the top and ridiculous. Gossip Girl? She brought it to a new level of, to quote the esteemed Fug Girls (www.gofugyourself.com), crazy awesome. She wore this, for God's sake, and this. (Because, you know, black is always classy. Click on the links.) And give her credit here: considering her recent red carpet fashion, she's gotten much better at wearing pants. 
4. Nicole Richie. She's ridiculous. Her book is amazing; in the center, there are a good 20 pages worth of pictures of her looking seductively wasted and about to pass out. While wearing an obscene amount of eyeshadow. Truth About Diamonds chronicles her "friend's" downward spiral, and eventual turn-around of her life. It's awesome. Now if only Nicole Richie writes another book explaining why she named her poor kids Harlow and Sparrow, all life's mysteries will be solved.
5. Madonna. Sorry guys, I just can't help it. Plus, she works out so much. I admire anyone who works out that much. And who has those arms.

What do you guys think? Who are your favorite and least favorite celebrities? Take it up in the comments. The word "talent" should not be used, unless in the sentence "she has done remarkably well for herself, for someone with no discernible talent whatsoever". (See above, #1: Paris Hilton).

Twee Update #2: Antlers

Today's festive wear...

The little dots light up and sparkle.

The only problem with this particular headgear is that it's a little small. (I have an especially large head. Thanks Mommy. That and the lopsided shoulders.) However, I am bravely persevering. 

Sneak preview for tomorrow: tinsel is involved.

Rant #16: TMI

Today, I went to Starbucks with two dear friends of mine, one of whom is the queen of TMI (Too Much Information). Now, if you haven't picked up on this by now, either through reading my blog or through, you know, actually knowing me as a walking, talking, Santa-hat-wearin' person, I'm not exactly the coolest cat in town. In fact, on this particular day, I started singing songs from a fabulous children's album, Philadelphia Chickens, whilst bobbing my head and giggling as the pom-pom on the end of my hat bounced. (Don't worry. We were sitting outside Starbucks.) I think it's pretty clear that my standards for conversation are not high. However, I do have my limits.

There are loads of things I like to talk about, and hear other people talk about. A sampling of my favorite conversation starters:

• Tool Academy,
• Paris Hilton (actually a genius; see me for explanation),
• Lindsay Lohan,
• parenting books,
• Madonna's various relationships,
• any and every Kardashian,
• words & wordplay & bad puns,
• Shakespeare,
• most books,
• anything I've blogged about

Then there are the things that I'm reluctant to talk about, and probably won't have much to contribute to the conversation. However, these topics -- and your opinions on them -- don't really fall under the category of TMI; for example, the situation in the middle east, or movies.  These topics bore me, but don't make me want to hide under the comfy chairs in Starbucks.

And then there's TMI. Too Much Information. Some things I just don't want to hear. Sometimes because it's boring and you're boring me; sometimes, what you're saying is disgusting and you're grossing me out. Whatever the reason, some things are just off-limits. This includes:

• your cat. Anything about your cat, really. I'm not interested.
• anything about any bodily function. Or anything about any of your child's bodily functions. 
• any more grousing than "ugh, I have the worst cramps", ladies.
• anything along the lines of "you know what's weird? Sometimes when I'm really tired and I fall asleep wearing my leotard and tights, and then, you know *gesture* and then when I wake up and I take my tights off and the hair is like all flattened out and it's really gross."

I can assure you: if you think your own body is gross, I think it's infinitely grosser. Don't tell me, please.

Rave #15: My Santa Hat

It is December 1st. That means two things:

1. My birthday is in 15 days.
2. I am officially allowed to wear my Santa hat.

Oh yes. I have broken out the Santa hat. Right now it's 10:44am, and I've received 19 compliments. Now, I don't want to put a picture of myself up here, being a product of my generation and Just Say No and Internet safety classes and all, so here goes:

And some people say I don't know how to work Photoshop.

From now until Christmas I'll be wearing different festive hats or bows or head decoration of some sort. (Sneak preview for tomorrow: light-up reindeer antlers will be involved.) I'll keep you posted.

Some of you (shout out to LOMA LARNEY) are thinking, "you are so embarrassing yourself Emma." I say otherwise. I am not embarrassing myself. (Now, I may be embarrassing you, but that's a totally different situation). Some of you (shout out to KATERINA LOPEZ) are smiling indulgently at me. Some of you are sneering; some of you are smirking; some of you are beaming at me proudly (shout out to TILDA SWINTON, my idol. You go girl. You ROCK that glittery cape). Whatever your response, I'm okay with it. For I am a blogger.

Is it a little twee? Absolutely. Does Clare think it's tacky? Yup. Does Loma think it's embarrassing? Sure. Do I brighten people's days? Maybe. But the most important question is: does it make me happy? The answer to that is clear. Yes. Yes, a twirly Santa hat does make me happy. And isn't that what really matters? (That's the end of the rhetorical questions for today, promise.) 

A brief note on my new favorite word, "twee". The official definition, according to my computer's dictionary, is "excessively or affectedly quaint, pretty, or sentimental". Most of the time it has a negative connotation. When I use it in reference to decorations or fruit baskets, you can normally assume I'm being condescending. When I'm using it in reference to myself, it normally has a positive connotation (ie, "But whyyyyy can't you give me that last cookie? I'm adorable and winsome and oh so twee!")

**Edit: the day is over. I actually only wore the Santa hat until 3:30 or so, when I had my Pilates class (HA, but another post) and thought I ought to take it off for that, so put on a little athletic red-and-green bow in its stead. So, from 7-3:30 or so, I received exactly 31 compliments on it. Let's see how we do tomorrow on the reindeer antlers.**