As one would hope, considering my age, I am not a mother. While I lack that important credential, however, I try to make up for it, doing things like writing a parenting book or telling my friends to put on more outerwear. I definitely have maternal tendencies (my friends would agree -- shout out to LARTHA FIDDLE [go put on more clothes, you're going to freeze]), which mainly manifest themselves through my horror about the world today. A lot of things in this world are troubling, so let me make you a list of a random 3 offenders, in escalating severity. (I was going to write that these were the "top 3 worst offenders", but I'm not sure I can make that claim. A little too grandiose even for this navel-gazing teenage girl.)
1. Chuck E. Cheese's. Let me tell you, Chuck E. Cheese's is so stressful. When I was little, I would be invited to all these Chuck E. Cheese's birthday parties. My mom would always sigh heavily, and say, "sure, sweetie, you can go if you want, but I worry that you'd be snatched. It's your choice." That worked, most of the time, and I would make the right decision, staying home with my mother in the safe confinement of the kitchen with my instant hot chocolate and Magic Markers. (Well done, Mommy -- excellent parenting, with just the right mix of compassion, guilt-tripping, and fear-tactics. Well done indeed.) All those children, running around on those snot-slippery metal death traps. It makes me shudder.
2. The state of grammar in the world today. Today, I received an email from a college that shall remain nameless. (I recently took a standardized test, and stupidly gave them my father's email address. In the past few weeks, he's been averaging about 15 emails a day from random schools, and has kindly forwarded every. single. one. to me. I'm trying to figure out how to un-sign up from that. Any suggestions would be welcome. But I digress.) This school proudly declared that they have "less than 4000 undergraduates." Oh, I don't think so.
I'm not asking for flowing prose and iambic pentameter. (Though if I were capable of speaking in perfect iambic pentameter that would be awesome. Maybe I should start practicing. My friends would really enjoy that. But I'm digressing again.) I just think people should understand a few key points, including the proper usage of basic punctuation, the distinction between "your", "you're" (also understanding that "ur" is not a word at all) and the difference between "fewer" and "less". That's not too much to ask for.
3. Justin Bieber's Vanity Fair cover. I'm concerned about the rampant over-sexualization of Justin Bieber and, increasingly, Jaden Smith. Go take a look at Justin Bieber's Vanity Fair cover, and then read the New York Times interview with Jaden Smith. Now imagine an adolescent girl in their places, photographed with kiss marks over her face and shirt, asked about her abs, and engaged in coy banter about her first kiss. (Jaden is 12 years old!) It's a horrifying image, and rightly so; 12-year-olds should not be asked about their first kisses. And yet, this type of objectification is common for young male celebrities. It has to stop.
There we have it: a short sampling of the worries running through my head before I fall asleep. Tell me: what are some of your specific worries about the world today?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
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